TODAY

Caroline is my forever sweetheart. I pretend to be working on matters of phenomenal importance on my laptop as she let herself into my apartment with her set of keys. She says hello and I grunt in response feigning total absorption in my activities. It is all a scam. I can’t be engrossed in anything with Caro around. However, she isn’t allowed to know that I’m sold on her especially in view of our circumstances.

I watch her make her way to the dining table with the small plastic basket in her hand. This is our eighth month as paramours, for lack of a better word. Caro is a creature of habit. Every Sunday like today, for the past six months, she has walked in with a small plastic basket containing her signature moinmoin elemi meje* and some other accompaniment, which could be eko**, bread or jollof rice. Every Sunday, right after placing the basket on the table, she would make her way towards me and wait diligently for me to leave the laptop and pay her the usual attention, a hug and a welcome kiss. That usually signifies that I am ready to have lunch.

We observe the ritual and it is feeding time. Feeding time is quiet as it is a time for nostalgia for both of us. In our private thoughts, we remember how we met, how we got talking, how we started dating and then the twinge of sadness sets in: we remember that we have to break up.

I met Caroline in my uncle’s office. She is his personal assistant. Every time I go to visit him, I need to see her before I see him. He is a very rich and well connected uncle. So, I go to see him often. Over time, given the economic situation in the country, I ended up visiting Caro’s office more often than I should. Also, given how busy rich men can be, I ended up spending more time with Caro than with my uncle. In a bid to properly time my visits, I got her number, pin, messenger ID and what have you. As time went on, contacting Caro stopped being about my uncle, or his money and connections. It started being about Caroline’s sweetness and how all Uncle Soji’s money could just not equate to the pleasure of her company or her genuine care and concern. As for Caro, I honestly can’t say what she sees in me.

I didn’t quite ask Caro out and she didn’t quite say yes but we were sure we were dating. Otherwise, how would you explain the exchange of passwords and pins? How would you explain our observing family birthdays in each other’s families and for each other’s friends? How would you explain our being mutually responsible for each other financially?

How would you explain late night strolls to Caro’s bus stop, when I escort her back home because it is dark and she comes back half way with me because she loathes to part ways with me? How would you explain the screening of contacts? That was the part I loved best. Caro and I usually meet to screen each other’s contacts weekly. I deleted “promising guys” while she deleted “threatening ladies”, right after reading each others’ conversations with them. Talk about being naked with each other but not ashamed.

Our story changed about four months ago when Caroline took ill. Her urine changed colour and she was having all sorts of abdominal pain. After all the tests, the doctors said she had some kind of abnormal growth in one of her kidneys and to arrest its development and spread, it was to be surgically removed. They however reassured us that she could resume her normal life after the surgery without any side effects. It was a worrisome period for us. We started cherishing each second like there would be no tomorrow. She had the surgery. It was successful but in preparing for it, blood donors were needed. It was then we discovered a fatal flaw. Her genotype was AS, so was mine. Caroline’s surgery marked the beginning of the end for us.

“You alright?” Caroline asks, breaking into my reverie.

“Almost” I respond, jerking myself from my dismal thoughts and smiling for her benefit. That wasn’t so hard. Seeing her was enough to evoke a genuine smile.

“You know no meal can ever be complete for me without a taste of my Caro”

She smiles sweetly. Her slight gap tooth in midst of her flawless white teeth makes me wonder how lucky one single man can get. Her face is one I would love to wake up to the rest of my life.

“I have no idea what you are talking about”

“Really? Do you want me to show you?” I ask with the most devilish smile and the most wicked wink I can muster.

“No, o. Hmmm. Don’t let pepper come out of my nose o! U know I am eating”

“What are you still eating sef?”*** I ask, grabbing my drink, with a mind to making her lose her appetite.

“Dearie, stop that!”

“What?” I ask, feigning innocence and playfully toying with my straw with my tongue and teeth.

“Banji, ko de da bayii o! Hmmm. God dey”****

“What have I done to warrant us invoking God now?”

“Ok. Mi o je mo. What do you want?”*****

“Loaded question” I answer; belatedly realizing that I don’t really know.

We have known for four months that our relationship doesn’t have a future. We have known for four months that although we want to spend forever together, it would not be possible. We have known for four months that we will never have that cottage on the hillside with a picket fence, or a white dog named collie or a pet parakeet, or identical twin boys running around in the garden or a Fortune 400 business empire. We have known for four months that for us there is only today, not tomorrow.

“I want here. I want now. I want today.”

Today, Caroline would be my one and only. Today, it is her hand I will hold. Today, it is her eyes I will look into. Today, it is her arms that would offer me succour. Today, it is on her words I would build my dreams. Today, it is for her happiness that I would labour so hard. Today, Caro would be my all. They say no one knows tomorrow. I know that for us, there is only today. I will give my best today.

********************

END NOTES

i.Beans meal with a lot of garnishing

ii. Corn meal

iii. A pidgin exclamation

iv. Banji, this is unfair

v. I am not eating anymore